Friday, December 28, 2012

Eat my Dust, Dora

You know how Dora and her monkey-friend Boots always go on adventures? (Which makes me question her parent's abilities to raise their child, but I digress.)


Well, just like Dora and Boots, Mark and I have decided to go on an adventure. The only difference is that my head's not oval and he's not a monkey. But we are probably going to have to cross a bridge, scale something and follow a map--not a singing one, just a regular old map.

You see, we're going to take on Disney's Expedition Everest Challenge this May. It's a 5K race with challenges along the course, and a scavenger hunt at the end of the race. Sounds very Dora the Explorer-y doesn't it?

Granted, a 5K--even with challenges--seems a bit of a step down from our half marathon last year. So to make up for that, we have decided that our goal is to run the entire thing. Maybe that will happen, maybe it won't. But it's sure going to be fun trying.

As for costumes, now that I think about it, maybe Dora is the way to go. I totally could see me running in her cute orange shorts and pink t-shirt. The backpack could be a bit troublesome, but I'm sure I can work it out. Mark can wear a monkey hat. After wearing a tutu last year, I'm sure he'd consider it a step up.

Friday, December 21, 2012

A Christmas Letter to Myself

Hey you. Yeah, you...Susan. I saw you last night when you were trying to wrap those presents and you lost it because Riley ripped the paper. Yeah, I saw your expression and the way you snatched the present back. Not cool. I also saw the look in Riley's eyes. The one that said, "I didn't try to rip it. It was an accident." But you probably didn't see that because you were too busy huffing and cutting a new piece of wrapping paper.

Well, now that you're calmed down I want to tell you something. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how your presents are wrapped. In fact, I would venture to say it doesn't even matter if they are. It doesn't matter that you didn't make any cookies, or get your Christmas card out before Christmas. I know you think it does, but it really doesn't.

Christmas will still come. You will still be surrounded by the people you love, and who matter most to you. You will be able to hug them, and tell them how much they mean to you--regardless of whether or not you gave them cookies.

So, please, slow down, quit freaking out and take a breath. You'll be fine. Everything will be fine, and just as it should be--whether you believe that or not. But I hope you do. And I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be an honest and open look at life with a chronic illness. And I have tried to stick with that. And while I try my best to stay positive, it's not all sunshine and puppy dogs. So that leads me to this post.


Recently, some of my friends started taking part in something they call Tell the Truth Tuesday. It is a day when you reveal some truth that you wouldn't normally share. Inspired by their idea, I decided to run with the idea concerning my MS. So, here are my truths:

I am terrified.

I worry people think I talk too much about my disease, so I keep a lot inside.

It frustrates me that I can't make people understand the difference between being tired and fatigue. They are completely different.

I hate the fact that I can't be spontaneous anymore, and have to plan every day meticulously so I have enough energy to make it to bedtime.

I'm tired of people lecturing me about drinking too much pop when the caffeine is sometimes the only way I can make it through the day.

I want to be able to enjoy a long, hot bath, or a soak in a hot tub, like I used to, without my face going numb and my symptoms flaring up.

I feel guilty because my husband never bargained for this. My kids didn't either.

I wish I could be the mom that I always dreamed I'd be--active, high energy, on the ball, able to juggle a lot of things at once.

I feel stupid when I forget things, or can't find the right words, and people look at me like I'm the biggest flake in the world.

There is not a minute of a day that I don't think/worry about this disease.

I work really, really, really hard at trying to not let this drag me down.Some days it's just too hard, though.

I'm tired of sticking a needle into myself--especially my stomach--and how it's starting to make me look.

It's hard for me to remember the last time I didn't feel like crap.

I want to be stronger than this disease. I want to be one of those people who sees their illness as some sort of blessing. But I don't know how to get there, and that frustrates me.

Each of these represents another hurdle I have to climb--at this point, jumping hurdles seems out of the question. But I'll do it. It's just gonna take a little time. Until then, I'll just keep sharing my truth.


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

In Search of Adventure

In my daughter's favorite movie Tangled, all Rapunzel wants is to see the floating lanterns. When she finally does, she tells Flynn Rider that she's scared because, what if the experience doesn't live up to what she's expected. And then once she sees them, what does she do next? He replies that she gets to go off and find a new adventure.

I can so relate to that scene in the movie. The Princess Half Marathon was kinda like my floating lanterns. I did it and now I don't know what to do. I've done other races, 5K's mostly, and they were fun, but they just weren't the same.

Maybe it's because it was my first. Maybe it was because it was a big accomplishment. Maybe it was just the fact that Mark and I got to go away together. I'm not sure, but I feel like I want that feeling again, and I don't know how to get it back.

Of course, I could always go for a full marathon (that's 26.2 miles, you know. See, I'm getting good at this.) but that's just a stupid idea. Even I know that. I could always do the Princess again, but will it be the same? Should I try a different Disney race? A race somewhere else? I don't know.

What I do know is that I'm still searching for my next great adventure. Stay tuned. Suggestions are welcome.

In Search of Healing

The other day I was watching Kris Carr's documentary Crazy, Sexy, Cancer . In it, there is one line in particular that speaks to me. She...