Refining My Vocabulary

Recently I've started to learn some new words. No, not the colorful, shouldn't say them in front of kids words. I already know all those. Instead I'm learning words that up until now I haven't used enough. They are words like: No and  help. I'm also learning some new phrases like "I don't want to and I can't."

You see, I've always been about other people. I love seeing the joy doing something for someone else often brings. If I thought me doing something would make someone else happy, or make it easier for everyone, I just did it--in life, in relationships, in work, in general. And it worked--for a while. But not anymore. I don't have the energy for it. Whether I like it or not, I just can't do it. (See, I'm using that nifty new phrase I'm learning.)

It's hard. In so many ways I have tied who I am with what I can do for others. It's not been easy. Sometimes I'm good at it. Other times I'm not. Sometimes people understand. Other times they don't. It's OK. As I've said so many times, this is a journey. I'm trying to figure this out. Those around me are too.

One of the most difficult things about this disease is rediscovering myself within the confines of an altered lifestyle. In many ways it's freeing--giving me the opportunity to redefine myself, refocus on the important things, and be forced to slow down. In other ways it's frustrating--new routines, new limitations, lots of uncertainty. But I'll figure it out. It just may take a little time and a few more no's, helps and I can'ts. Please be patient.

Driving Miss Susan

A blog post I wrote for work about my experience as a full-time passenger for the next few weeks.

http://blog.americancatholic.org/2012/07/driving-miss-susan/

What Love Looks Like

One of my kids asked me once what love looked like.

"It's not something you can see," I said. "It's more of a feeling."

But you know what? I think maybe I was kinda wrong. And here's why. Too many times I have received outward signs of love that have made a huge difference in my life. In fact, in the last month I can count numerous times this has happened.

So what does love look like?

Well, it looks like a care package on your doorstep from your niece and nephews when you get home during a bad week.

It looks like the cars that people drive me around in since I can't drive myself.

It looks like a big ass Pepsi from my husband "just because."

It looks like new outfits that were picked out by my sister and cousin because I was feeling less than beautiful.

Yeah, if one of my kids asks me that question again I think I'm going to have a very different answer. Because lately I've been seeing a whole lot of love around me.