For Better or Worse

A few weeks ago I went to my neurologist for my six-months-since-I-started-the-shots checkup. As always, Mark went with me. I told him he didn't have to, but he wouldn't hear it. He's been to every one of my appointments since this whole thing started. I can't tell you what it means to me.

As we were sitting in the waiting room, I looked around at the other people in the room. What are their stories? I wondered. I noticed a woman and her husband sitting in the corner. They called her name and she stood up and walked through the door. Her husband stayed seated. When she came back out, she wiped tears from her face. Her husband made no move to comfort her. As she walked out of the office he trailed behind. No hug to console her. No reaching out for her hand. Nothing. I was heartbroken for her.

I reached over and grabbed Mark's hand and leaned my head on his shoulder. He squeezed my hand back.

I can't begin to explain to you all the ways a chronic illness changes a marriage. I understand why some couples don't make it. It's hard and it's ugly. Emotions like frustration, fear and anger pop up at the most inopportune and unpredictable times. The roles get all messed up. Suddenly the kids cry out for dad in the middle of the night instead of mom because they worry about me getting my sleep. Late night talks disappear amidst the fatigue. Too many conversations turn one-sided and filled with tears. Future plans come with an asterisk attached. Resentment can creep in--on both sides.

But there's an upside, too. Those same struggles, raw emotions and uncertainties that can tear you apart can also bond you together in a way that no one outside the two of you can ever understand. I'm blessed. Thanks mostly to Mark, on most days we fall into the latter category. That's certainly not to say that we don't have plenty of the other days. God knows we do. But I like to think no more than the average married couple.

16 years ago when we promised to love each other in sickness and in health we had no idea what we were really saying. For better or for worse, we sure do now.