Friday, November 16, 2012

Project Pinterest




I had an epiphany today. I will be dead, buried, and turned to dust before I will ever do all the things that are currently on my Pinterest board. No, really, it's true. You see, that's the problem with Pinterest. It's just to easy to pin...and pin...and then pin some more. Your first pin seems so innocent, and then before you know it you can't stop and you have 200 must-try recipes, and your home at the holidays is going to look like the North Pole following an elf bender.

So, I decided to take back my boards. I told myself that I was going to actually do the things that I had pinned. Recipe not up to par? Off my board it goes.

Some things I've already vetted--one potato recipe that went horribly wrong. I was supposed to squish down the tiny red potatoes after they had been cooked. You know, kinda flatten them. Well, it didn't quite work out that way. I tried to smash it and it shot off the sheet and across the room. The rest I threw across the room after unsuccessfully trying to mash them.

Now, of course, I have to be realistic. I'm still going to pin. How can I not? But I do solemnly swear that for every thing I pin, I will try my best to remove another. Also, I'm not going to count some of my pins. I mean am I really ever going to live here? Maybe I'll visit someday, though, so it stays on my board.

And what are the real chances that I'm going to get a meaningful relationship out of this guy? But it's still fun to pin him on my boyfriends board.

.The inspirational and funny quotes stay. Who knows when I may need to say something deep or humorous in a group setting. Or even drop a powerful insult or comeback. It's always good to have those things on hand.

So today starts Operation Project Pinterest. Wanna join me? 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Back in the Saddle

For some reason, this seems so appropriate right now. Except I can't whistle. On the bright side (get it?), though, I can still hear every word they're singing, at least for now. Hope you all find a way to look one the bright side today. :)



Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Another Bump in the Road

La la la la....I can't hear you. No, seriously. I can't hear you. Well, I mean I can hear you, but just not real good. And I can't always make out what you're saying.

You see, apparently my brain has decided that it doesn't really want to send sounds to my ears so I can clearly make out what people are saying. I knew the hearing in my right ear sucked. It's been that way for about 10 years--since this whole MS thing started. But now my left ear's decided it wants to get in on the action.

I started noticing it when I was in noisy places. It became harder and harder for me to hear what people were saying, and you can only say "what?" so many times before it gets a) embarrassing and b) annoying to whoever is trying to talk to you.

According to the ear doctor, what's happening is the noise is getting in my ear, but just not getting processed by my brain. My ears are fine. My brain is not. As if that's a shocker to me. That's why when I'm in a crowd or someplace like a noisy restaurant, or even a meeting, it's hard to hear. My brain is trying to decifer all the information it's receiving and basically just freaking out and making it all sound like Charlie Brown's mother on the phone.

So what to do? What to do? Well, the doctor says it may get better. Or, it may stay the same. Or, it may get worse. Real definitive answers, right? I seem to get that a lot with doctors these days. He said in a few months we could look into hearing aids and see if that may help some. But it might not.

But for now, I guess I'll have to pick myself back up again and keep moving forward. Sometimes, like now, it's just a little harder.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Take Care of My Crib

Yesterday we took down our crib for the last time. I cried the whole time. It's going to a good home where it will be put to good use. But the problem is, see, it's not in my home...with one of my babies in it. And that's hard. But it's time.

To the couple putting their baby to sleep in that crib, take care of it. I know it may not look brand-spanking new, but it's been well used, loved, and taken care of. Let me tell you about its history.

It's 13 years old. We excitedly got it when we found out we were expecting our first child. We really couldn't afford it at the time--it was a pretty high-end purchase for us--but we wanted our babies to have a top-of-the-line bed. Sometimes I would go into the nursery and just stare at it before Maddie was born. I'd arrange and rearrange the blanket and stuffed animals awaiting her arrival. Now we're filling out high school registrations for her.

When she decided to escape one day, we converted it to the daybed, which she also bucked. We dismantled it and put it in storage for the next time.

When Alex came along, he didn't spend much time in it the first year. He was sick, you see, so he stayed in our room most of the time. But in time, he also made his way into the crib, where he treated the mattress like a trampoline. But don't worry, we fixed the springs he detached in the process, so it's fine now.

Then there was Riley. If you see the teethmarks on the side of the bed, that would be from her. Her height was just at that level and she used to chew on it when she woke up before we got her out. Never crying, never yelling, just standing there chewing when we'd walk in.

And finally came Kacey. Thanks to this damn disease, I knew she would be my last. Not by choice. In fact, I was already pushing the limits of my MS by foregoing treatment so I could have both her and Riley. My brain and body knew it was time. My heart still doesn't.

It was while I was out of town that I found out she had left her crib for a big-girl bed, never to return again. I'm not taking it well. So yesterday when I dismantled the crib and loaded it up to be delivered to you, I was closing a door I wasn't ready to close yet. But I send it to you with love and hopes that years from now, you, too, will be able to remember all the times you laid your baby to sleep in that crib. I know I do.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Time Out, Please

As I write this, I am sitting in the back of my car handing out candy for Halloween. Maddie is at her friend's house. Alex took off with his friends and one of their dad's, and Riley and Kacey are with Mark. It's just one more example of how things are changing--too fast.

I remember when I could take a picture of all of them in their costumes. Now kids are missing, and other friends have moved into the photo. It's different, and I'm having trouble adjusting.

Over the past couple weeks, Mark, Maddie and I have gone on two high school visits. High school. As is not grade school. No, this can't be happening.

Last week, Kacey climbed out of her crib--forever--and straight into a "big-girl bed." And there she has stayed ever since while an empty crib sits across the room. This weekend we will be dismantling it--never to be put together by us again. It's breaking my heart.

Now, it's not like I didn't realize that changes like this were going to happen. I've heard all the advice to relish the time you have with your kids. As Gretchen Rubin, author of the Happiness Project, points out, "The days are long, but the years are short."

I've tried to hold on to each tender moment and milestone. But lately, I'm losing my grip. Big girl beds, high school applications, first Communions, graduations, friends replacing parents. Life is whizzing by too fast. And I don't like it. Not one bit.

In Search of Healing

The other day I was watching Kris Carr's documentary Crazy, Sexy, Cancer . In it, there is one line in particular that speaks to me. She...