The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be an honest and open look at life with a chronic illness. And I have tried to stick with that. And while I try my best to stay positive, it's not all sunshine and puppy dogs. So that leads me to this post.


Recently, some of my friends started taking part in something they call Tell the Truth Tuesday. It is a day when you reveal some truth that you wouldn't normally share. Inspired by their idea, I decided to run with the idea concerning my MS. So, here are my truths:

I am terrified.

I worry people think I talk too much about my disease, so I keep a lot inside.

It frustrates me that I can't make people understand the difference between being tired and fatigue. They are completely different.

I hate the fact that I can't be spontaneous anymore, and have to plan every day meticulously so I have enough energy to make it to bedtime.

I'm tired of people lecturing me about drinking too much pop when the caffeine is sometimes the only way I can make it through the day.

I want to be able to enjoy a long, hot bath, or a soak in a hot tub, like I used to, without my face going numb and my symptoms flaring up.

I feel guilty because my husband never bargained for this. My kids didn't either.

I wish I could be the mom that I always dreamed I'd be--active, high energy, on the ball, able to juggle a lot of things at once.

I feel stupid when I forget things, or can't find the right words, and people look at me like I'm the biggest flake in the world.

There is not a minute of a day that I don't think/worry about this disease.

I work really, really, really hard at trying to not let this drag me down.Some days it's just too hard, though.

I'm tired of sticking a needle into myself--especially my stomach--and how it's starting to make me look.

It's hard for me to remember the last time I didn't feel like crap.

I want to be stronger than this disease. I want to be one of those people who sees their illness as some sort of blessing. But I don't know how to get there, and that frustrates me.

Each of these represents another hurdle I have to climb--at this point, jumping hurdles seems out of the question. But I'll do it. It's just gonna take a little time. Until then, I'll just keep sharing my truth.