Why?

I've been asking myself that question a lot lately. No, not why me? Not why did I get MS? I quit asking that a long time ago.

No, I've been asking myself why I've decided to take on this challenge of a half marathon. The whole idea seems absolutely insane, even to me.


But I need to do this. I need to do it for me. I need something to aim for. I'll be honest--and this is not easy--I've struggled for the last few years. Is it depression? Maybe. People with MS do have a higher rate than most people. All I know is I'm not the same person I once was. I miss that person and I'm trying to get her back--for me, for Mark, for my kids.

As I walk, it has become clear to me that this is so much bigger than me. Sure, I want to prove to myself that I can do this. But I'm also doing this because I am bound and determined to show my kids that no matter what life throws at you, you are in control. Life is not always fair, so you have to choose what to make of every situation.

Kind of like that saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade," even though I really hate that saying and lemonade. But it's true. If I don't provide them with the best example of how not to roll over and throw up the white flag when life gets rough, then I will have failed them. Most of all, I want to show them that their mom is stronger than this damn disease.

And so I will walk and, who knows, maybe even run. Maybe I'll finish the race, maybe I won't. But I'll be damned if my kids won't see me give it my all. Maybe along the way I'll rediscover some things about myself again. That alone is worth the effort.