Tomorrow I will turn 40. For many women that's a big step to take. For me, it's really not. I've felt older than 40 for quite a few years thanks to this stupid disease. So tomorrow really shouldn't be that big of a deal for me. But it is, and here's why. Tomorrow I'm starting anew. No, I'm not going to get plastic surgery, a red convertible or have an affair. Well, other than the ones I'm already having with Joey Votto and Michael Phelps, but I digress.You see, most of my 30s have been spent coping, adapting, changing--most of which was not of my own will. And while there have been a lot of great things in my 30s, I'm ready to move on.
I'm not going to be able to change a lot of the things that plagued me for the past 10 years. I have MS. No matter what I do, until they find a cure, I will have it. In fact, it seems fitting that I have rounded out this decade with seizures.
So I'm ready for a change. I've kind of started that change this past year with working out more, running my first half marathon, writing a book, trying new foods. But it feels like there's more I can do. And a new decade in my life feels like the perfect time to start.
What those adventures will be I'm still not sure, but I'm working on it. Maybe at some point I'll share my list, but for now it's something I need to do for myself and myself alone. Oh, sure, you'll see the process and I'll talk about things on here as they come up. But I don't want to write down some set in stone list. My list will change. In the process I hope I will change.
One of the good...no, great...things about turning 40 is that not only can I reinvent myself, but I can do so with the knowledge and wisdom I have gained--both good and bad--from my life thus far. And one of the most important things I've learned is that I control my destiny. I control how I choose to live this life. I control how I react to all the things that life throws at me. I can sink or I can rise above. As I float into my 40s, I definitely choose to ride the waves and see where they take me. So watch out world, because 40 is no longer the new 30. No, as of tomorrow, 40 becomes the new ME.
Susan, happy birthday and I love reading your blog. As a fellow MS traveler I appreciate your zest for life and family. MS is such a strange disease - seizures. Good grief. What next?! Blessings to you and thank you.
ReplyDeleteBTW, life begins after 40. I always tell our nuns that all the really hard stuff comes before 42 or 43. Or maybe 45 (my age at diagnosis). Even with MS I love life after 40.
You write with such grace.