A Mother-Son Moment

I had the most amazing thing happen to me this week. No, I didn't win the lottery or the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, though that would have been nice. It was even better than both of those things.

You see, when Alex and I were leaving soccer practice the other night and were walking to the car I instinctively reached my hand out for his. As a parent, my natural instinct is to grab for my kids' hands when cars are present. I fully expected him to bristle at the gesture, or pull his hand away. But you know what? He didn't. He grabbed hold of it...willingly...right there...in front of his teammates, the teams practicing after us and all their parents. Did I mention he's 9?

After the initial surprise I wondered if I should let go lest any of the boys see. After all, I'm painfully aware that Alex knows all too well what it feels like to be on the wrong side of a joke or teasing.

But I couldn't let go--his hand, growing ever bigger, tucked in mine. As we walked, Alex looked up at me, discussing practice, all the while tightly gripping my hand as if it was the most natural thing in the world for a nine-year-old boy to be doing.

I grabbed his hand tighter, knowing that moments like these may soon disappear. And so we walked, hand in hand, mom and son, for all to see.

Epic Mom Fail

Have you ever had one of those mom moments when you feel like you completely and utterly have failed? Well, I had one of those yesterday.

It's not a secret that starting this shot regiment has not been easy. They hurt, I'm crabby, I cry a lot and I've been battling panic attacks--which may or may not be a side effect of the medicine. That last side effect is what led to my mom fail.

The other night I was trying to explain to Mark what it felt like.

"I feel like I'm going to die."

I thought we were alone. I thought it was just us. If I didn't, I never would have said it. But apparently we weren't. My oldest daughter, Maddie, had heard. I knew she had. I saw the look on her face.

The effects of MS on my kids has been the hardest part of this disease. I see the way they look at me--afraid, nervous, worried. I've tried hard to maintain an "everything is fine and normal" attitude with them, but sometimes it's just not possible.

So I wasn't overly surprised when I got a call from school yesterday saying that Maddie was sick. "She said she feels like she's going to throw up," said the nurse. I know the feeling well. It's exactly how I feel when I'm worried. Maddie may be a clone of her father in so many ways, but when it comes to being a worrier, she's all me.

After I picked her up and brought her home, I asked her point blank if she was worried about something. I didn't need to ask. I knew the answer. I've heard it from her before.

"I'm worried about you."

Nothing quite cuts at a mom's heart like hearing your child say that. It's just not supposed to be that way. I sat and explained what I had meant when I said that, how I was going to be fine, how this is going to be a process for us all. And then we sat together for a long time, just me and my--not so little anymore, but always my baby--girl.

Today she's better. I'm a little better. I think that's the way this journey is going to be--day by day, step by step, but hand in hand the whole way.

Multi-tasking Momma

One of the most important tasks of being a mom is the ability to multi-task. And I've discovered that adding exercise to my daily regimen only compounds that. So here is a list of five things I have done while exercising in the last week:

1) Write blog posts. I can honestly say most everything I have ever written has been mostly composed in the shower, lying in bed at night or while doing something else--like walking. It is both exhilirating and maddening to have ideas constantly popping into your head when you usually don't have any way of writing them down.

2) Mediate arguments. Apparently walking really fast on a noisy treadmill with earphones in is not a good enough indicator to my children that I am not available to determine who started the fight, who was wronged or who should be punished. I'm busy. Go find your dad.

3) Button jeans. Yes, despite all my balance issues as detailed in this post, I managed to button my daughter's pants the other day--while still on the treadmill--when she asked me to help her. This was in spite of all the above mentioned indicators that I really was not available to do such a task.

4) Start my 2011 Christmas list. My treadmill faces my overflowing craft shelf, so I am constantly staring at all the possible craft projects and gifts I can make to give to people for Christmas. Bonus: By transforming all the supplies on the shelves into great gifts, I will be also cleaning up the basement. The ultimate in multi-tasking.

5) Orchestrate lunch. Next to my craft shelf is our pantry. On more than one occasion I have witnessed one or all of my children stand in front of it and ask what they can have for lunch. Apparently I have a better viewpoint of what we have perched high atop the treadmill in addition to being able to read their mind as to what they want to eat.